The mistake to end all mistakes
by Nagrij
Summary: A mistake by the most unlikiliest of people leads to a rather large mix up of the naruto universe. Hopefully this time fanfiction will let me keep my formatting.
1. Chapter 1

Throughout all that is are many universes, dimensions, and galaxies filled with endless possibility. The paths that fate takes are myriad and nearly infinate. All that having the best possible outcome in one fork of the path of life really does as far as fate is concerned... is seal the other nearly identical realities where roughly the same events happen to less than optimal forks in that same path.

Say for example... A ninja. Tired, stressed beyond endurance, his family attacked and his village with all his beloved people in danger. Riding off on a faithful if unorthodox mount in order to die by handing a death god his soul in order to seal a most powerful demon. A tale familiar to many, at least in it's perfect form. But for every time the tale of the ninja ends here, for every time the path of choice and chance gives that perfect outcome, far more have different outcomes. Many different diffuse outcomes which combine to form the large yet simple question - what if? In this case, what if he failed?

Oh we aren't going to look at a big failure here; those are obvious. The village a bloody paste, destuction dejour in large swathes finally culminating in the rather catastrophic end of an age some 20 years later. where would the fun in that be? Perhaps later. No, we're going to look at an all too common error made by people awake, alert, and not dealing with horrific 50 foot tall demons.

Poor penmanship.

It's a well known fact that Fuuinjutsu, or the art of sealing, began as exercises in calligraphy. Proper ink and form allowing for what some might call magical effects. Effects such as summoning creatures and mythical beasts from other realities... or sealing demons. It is also known that the more complex a drawing or design made, the more chance tiny imperfections in ink or brush stroke have to appear. Especially when writing such on the stomach of a moving, squalling child.

This is of course is an age different from the age of spellcheck.

So was it any wonder that when Minato Namikaze rushed off with his son Naruto in his arms on the back of mighty Gamabunta, already mentally resigning himself to his grim fate and wondering just what existence as the Shinigami's chew toy would be like, he happened to miss the tiny fault in chakra suppression seal number 27? It's the little things on which fate turns.

The demon awoke behind a cage. He expected this. He did not expect the cage to be in the malformed mind of an infant primate. For a moment he saluted the courage, determination, and ingenuity of the lower life form that could seal him. Alone, with no back up, with nearly no preparation time and into his own son no less. But only for a moment.

He had no idea how long he had been 'unconscious' while sealed (after all, he was energy in one of it's purest forms, he only needed to coalesce to regain thought) but the disgusting brat was barely able to walk and gibber in that disgusting language humans used, so it couldn't have been long. He watched behind the child's eyes as it interacted with various people in it's life. It lived alone, at a young age. It lived in a run down apartment with vermin infestations and other dregs of it's species.

The looks given his jail were interesting. Anger, hate, and fear. It wasn't surprising he supposed... even if it was insulting. Treating his jail like it was him, ostracizing it as if it were a demon itself implied that he was a weak child. Such an insult would not be forgiven. The important things to note were the constant visits made to the head of the village of primates, and the watchers.

Evidently the head fire-monkey wasn't quite stupid enough to leave such a potential danger alone. While the child couldn't see them, there was always a team of three watching them, and the demon could sense the gnats easily, even with most of his chakra sealed. However he could also tell that the teams that watched were getting bored... complacent. Human attention spans are not geared to remain vigilant for 5 years after all.

Speaking of the seal... Kurama cast his senses throughout the inside of his cage, seeking any flaw. He didn't really expect one, the monkey that beat him had been a master of sealing, even better than the previous two. But he had nothing but time, and he was thorough. Oddly enough it took him less than a week of slowly and delicately tracing the sealwork from the inside before he found it. One of the seals managing the flow of his chakra into the brat-monkey was flawed. Not a big flaw, oh no...nothing dangerous if left alone.

But well it was more than enough for him to work with. It wouldn't even be particularly hard for him. but how best to use this to get his revenge on that cursed eye monkey that dared think he could be controlled. Not to mention his brood of cursed eye monkeys. But how best to do it? Any forced exit he could attempt with just this one flaw would kill the host, which the seal would then use in turn as a power source to obliterate him before he could reach full strength.

An early death caused by external causes might do the same; but the flaw in the seal gave him a chance there. So how best to handle this? There was no doubt if he managed the chakra release correctly a mere 20 years would render him immune to such a death. Watching the interactions among the monkeys to the child of their supposed greatest hero gave him an idea...

Naruto Uzumaki walked boldly down the street, his little eight year old legs propelling him down his own private path. He didn't know why so few people would approach him, but after the stares he was kind of glad they didn't. The villagers all had such cold eyes. Oh they all treated him well, if he walked up to one they would paste a smile on their face and talk to him, and the shopkeepers would never refuse service... but he could tell even at his young age, that it was all fake. What he did not know, was why.

But such thoughts were far too distant for his wonderful day so far. He had just met the old man at Ichiraku's and ate till his stomach creaked, chatting and laughing with one of the few people that did not give him any hint of coldness. Even though his eyes were brimming with unspoken anguish whenever he looked at Naruto. Again, one day he'd ask why. But for now, it was getting dark. Which meant it was time to sleep off the ramen high. He carefully unlocked his door (he didn't want to break the key again) and strode inside. The small apartment had seen better days, but it was clean.

Tomorrow he would get to work on training. He had told the old man that he wanted to be a ninja, and he would work on his own to become a good one. Ninjas were loved in this village after all. When he was protecting the villagers, it would be hard for them to look down on him. But in order to start it correctly, even with just body conditioning, he would have to go to the library and read. Reading sucked. With thoughts of boredom dancing, he changed to his bedclothes and flopped onto the bed. Poor kid. He had no idea what hit him.

He had fallen asleep and should be dreaming. So why was he lying in a sewer, almost floating in foul water? Had one of those people he had taken to task for rudeness pranked him back? Not that he was admitting anything. But if that were the case, wouldn't there be someone or something here to gloat? To mark the achievement that the budding village prankster had been pranked? All he saw was darkness, the lighting struggling to give rise to features like the large pipes set in both sides of the hall he was in.

That and the breeze. It would hit his face one moment, a hot gust which gave a smell he couldn't recognize, and a few seconds later more air would hit him from the back at the same time as a sound would hit his ears. A fan? A vacuum cleaner like the one he had seen once in that shop? Something large breathing? Whatever it was, it couldn't be good, and yet... he was curious.

He wasn't a cat after all, and if it was something bad he could surely just run away, right? Right. So he crept along, trying to keep the splashing sounds to a minimum. He even tried walking on top of the pipes once, but it was too curved and he slid off. Might be a result of him still in his bed clothes, complete with a nightcap. After what felt like hours of walking our intrepid explorer stumbled upon the end of his quest; the airflow was coming from a cage. Of course calling this structure a cage was much like confusing an ant with an elephant.

It was huge, a construct with both upper reaches and inner reach lost to darkness, with iron bars as thick as his arm and spaces between that he could walk through. On the gate of it was a slip of paper with the kanji for seal. He couldn't see what was inside; it was simply too dark. But whatever it was, it had to be big. Well he couldn't see it. Which meant only one thing of course. He had to get closer. Well that or find a torch or something.

Then he looked up...and saw the large glowing red eyes staring at him. Something picked him up and deposited him just in front of the cage itself.

"Hello gaki. We meet at last."

The face to match the eyes came out of the shadows; resolving itself into an extremely large fox. He knew what this was. Which was why he stuck his finger almost into the things mouth and proclaimed.

"YOU! YOU'RE THE KYUBI! Wait, aren't you supposed to be dead?! Am I dead?!"

The fearsome apparition wiggled a claw tip in his ear; kid had an impressive set of lungs. Then he sighed. Why were all his hosts such idiots?

"I'm not dead little fool, we are in your mind. All your kind together could not destroy me."

"So what are you doing here?"

"Your last head monkey... the one that you worship as a hero; sealed me in you. He..."

Now this of course was much to process; is it any wonder that the small child sat down right then and there and zoned out for awhile? Is it any wonder this pissed off a certain demon who had already waited more than a few years to hold this meeting?

"GAKI!"

That presence that moved him before slapped him again, knocking him over.

"Sorry sorry, you were saying?"

"Your hero condemned you to a life of loneliness amongst your fellow primates. The reason they avoid you now is that they fear you, thinking you are somehow me or under my influence."

"Well that's just stupid. I've never met you before!"

"Of course it's stupid brat. however, it is not completely unfounded. You see, not only did your hero seal me into you he made a mistake."

"A m-m-mis-mistake?"

It was hard to look nonchalant while scooting on your butt away from a giant demon fox. At least Naruto had managed the second part, before what he now recognized as the chakra of the giant beast intensified around him, pinning him in place. The demon's smile reminded him of something out of a fairy tale he had heard once, before he left the orphanage. Usually the monsters that made smiles like those ate children.

"Yes gaki... he made a mistake. It happens to be a small one, as such mistakes go. It doesn't mean I can simply kill you and leave... but I can use it to affect you easily. And I have decided to. I'm going to be giving you a gift; something to make you a strong ninja."

"But I don't want a gift!"

The creature grinned again, showing every one of it's gleaming teeth.

"Too bad. you're getting one anyway. Don't worry, you'll enjoy it. Oh and in case you don't, just remember how they feel about you. If they don't like you now, after my gift they really won't like you. They may even kill you and set me free... if they don't do worse. Please me like a good minion and you won't need to deal with any unfortunate... consequences. See you soon."

And just like that he was out again, expelled somehow from his own mind. Naruto wasn't sure he liked what that could imply. So where was he and what did he do now? He was in blackness. Pure nothing as far as the eye could possibly see. Then suddenly all at once, he was a room; a traditional affair with lacquered wood and rice paper. There were two doors on either side from each other so he tried one.

It led to a balcony overlooking a wooded area, gentle in it's slope but just as obviously part of the mountain range in the distance. He would have expected such mountains to be snow capped, but they weren't. Of course the more obvious things attention grabbers were the long snake like things with fox faces floating around in the errant breeze outside. He shut the door quickly and wasted no time trying the other. It led to a hallway. He crept along as best he could, taking the left path.

He liked the look of left, it led deeper into the place, away from those... things. The silence was deafening. He's almost suspect he was deaf if not for the wind outside. There did not seem to be another soul here. He started carefully checking rooms and found the place empty yet clean. The place was a palace; rich if understated furnishings, wonderful art, and interesting items of unknown origin and purpose. He would normally explore a bit more, but this didn't seem like the place to be caught.

Then he found the stairs, and faint snatches of offkey singing wafted up; the first sounds made by someone else since he arrived here (however that happened). With nothing else to do he followed the noise downstairs. The idea that he had just done something similar moments ago with rather disastrous results flashed through his mind briefly and was just as quickly discarded. Surely this sort of lightning didn't strike twice, right?

Now close to the door he could smell pipe smoke, similar to what the old man smoked. It seemed to be strongest behind what had to be the doorway out. He slowly and with uncommon care (for him) opened the door an inch. What he saw looking out, was the very picture of an indolent ronin. A stained grey hakama matched with a stained white gi. The Katana and Wakizashi off to the side looked well cared for, and the pipe he smelled was currently being puffed with abandon by the to all appearances bored person. The long brown hair, yellow eyes, rugged good looks, pointed ears and four fox tails were almost an afterthought.

Almost.

He did not so much as turn around but spoke.

"Well well well, someone in the boss's castle? Not a very smart rat, that's for sure. Come on out please."

Even Naruto could see this guy wasn't exactly normal. He had a friendly air about him too, but the swords at his side looked well used. Of course, there are only two choices when confronting such a situation; discretion or valor. And of course this is Naruto.

"I'm not a rat you jerk!"

He boldly opened the door the entire way and stared down the puffing man (which actually involved staring right at him, even while he sat...Naruto is a bit short).

"Well so you aren't. Care to tell me how you got into the bosses' home, chibi?"

"I don't know. One minute I was talking to a demon fox in my head then I was here. And I'm not a chibi! I'm Naruto!"

The man stood slowly and with exaggerated care tied his swords at hip.

"In your head you say? A demonic fox? Giant, with nine tails?"

Naruto's frenzied nods were enough answer it seemed.

"Seems to me I've heard legends about that. Got killed stomping on a ninja village."

More frenzied nodding.

"But not dead...interesting. Hey wait kid, come back!"

But Naruto had already started fading away... and since he wasn't doing it, there was no way he could reverse it. He was drawn back into a flash of pain so intense he almost thought he imagined it; there and just as quickly as it was registered, gone. Just like that he could feel his ancient, comfy bed under him. It was dark, with a hint of moonlight through the window.

An attempt to simply rise up as he usually did was met with failure; his balance was all wrong. Rolling over brought him to the floor in a heap, but it got him sort of mobile. He had to crawl a bit before he could stagger up. His legs just did not seem to want to work right, and oddly enough his head felt weighed down.

He ran into a few walls but finally made it to his destination; the bathroom, with it's mirror. The same mirror he brushed his teeth in front of every morning, with its slight crack down the right corner. The face staring back at him wasn't his however.

Rich red hair framed a face more fine boned and pixie like than his, one without his familiar whisker mark scars before falling in a crimson cascade to the small of his back. Two ears poked up from this river of red, pointy furred ones capped by silver. There behind him he saw a similar flash of silver... and reached out to grab a silver tipped fox tail which matched the new hair. Deep booming laughter inside his head stirred his anger.

"Baka fox! what did you do!?"

Isn't it obvious gaki? I reached out and fed you more chakra then the seal was designed to handle, and I remade you. You're now a hanyou; tougher, faster, and stronger than any mere human. And of course, now you will have to do as I say or risk death at the hands of the stupid primates of this village. After all, do you know how to disguise yourself? What do you think will happen when the ninja find you?

Naruto didn't have to think of it long before his bowels wanted to release; rumors abounded of the horrid state of ninja prisons, and that was for the lucky criminals who escaped execution. So many had died eight years ago that there wouldn't even be a trial; no chance for him to plead his case that the stupid fox had just done it and he hadn't done anything wrong.

Even if he could plead it, would anyone care? After all they treated him so coldly now even though they knew he wasn't the fox. Blending their features together even a little bit was more than enough for the kyubi to get him killed. This also led to another revelation, as Naruto decided he didn't want to make a mess on his bathroom floor, and pulled his pants down.

"AAGGHHHH! IT'S GONE! ALL THAT'S LEFT IS A HOLE! THE KYUUBI ATE IT!"

Yes the fearsome nine tails had to explain the difference between boys and girls to the poor social outcast; the fearsome beast chickened out when time came to explain the simple fact that most kitsune are born female, hanyou or full blooded. Of course, the fact that the social outcast was gibbering and fondling herself in the bathroom might have had something to do with it. With a mental sigh, he knocked the pathetic host out.


	2. Chapter 2

Well here we are, part 2. Mind the whiplash, it becomes point of view (first person) from here on out, mostly. My favored style.

The clocked ticked. It was an old fashioned affair that wound up, with bells on top. A rather beaten brass device saved from a junkpile and crudely restored, it nonetheless told time almost perfectly. It had one other thing it was good at of course. Every morning at 5:30 am it would ring, loudly.

Today I slapped it to silence almost before it started to ring, then stretched. With the last neighbor of mine moved away (in point of fact, due to the currently slapped alarm clock going off for hours at a time, apparently according to the report she gave the landlord she could hear it through two walls... snicker) I wasn't as afraid to be caught in my Hanyou form as before.

So I half expected Kurama-baka to pull stuff like having me wake up out of disguise. I stretched as hard as I could; while the disguise Kurama provided me with was perfect (being nothing short of a full transformation) I spent most of my time in it, which led to side effects. Like my tail getting the worst crick in it imaginable, and my senses getting dulled.

I had to deal with it; so far while I was told any kitsune worth their salt could do kurama's full transformation trick, the best I could manage so far was the ninja's illusionary henge. And of course in a ninja village, that wouldn't really fool anyone of importance no matter how good I was at it. I mentally prodded my tenant as I got up to face the day - I knew he'd be screaming in my head if I tried to take an extra five minutes -

"So what do you think it is today? Coffee during shift change or mouse and muskrat making out again?"

Yes my watchers, a full team of elite ANBU ninja... were a bunch of indolent, bored fools who were constantly half asleep while doing their job. Truly I feared for this village should it be attacked. That being said it helped me greatly, as I was basically a ninja behind enemy lines (in the village of my birth no less).

Truly a disheartening thought so early in the day. I made a simple breakfast of rice while Kurama snorted and guessed.

Mouse and muskrat haven't been seen since that morning, so I would guess they are removed from your guard detail. If I had to guess I'd say it was breakfast during shift change; The best ninja of the village (we both stifled mocking laughter) seem content with your given waking routine of 7am.

I'd established that routine over the past 6 months like clockwork; never missed a day. People often liked to cut corners; elites were no different. I really hoped I didn't grow up to be that stupid.

"So that is what I owe the change in form to? It's still dangerous for us both you know, even ANBU can get it right sometimes."

No, you owe the change in form to the fact that you spend far too much time as 'Naruto' and not nearly enough as Nami.

"Darn it Kurama-baka I'm a guy! I spend most of my time as a guy, and my name is Naruto, not Nami."

His exasperation was a palpable cloak as I dressed.

You are a hanyou named Nami, who happens to spend most of her time transformed into a disguise. I won't call you 'he' nor your former name, as it is not who you are. Test me on this and I won't disguise you anymore.

"what? No, hey I was just kidding Kurama-sama, almighty bijou. No need to get us thrown in prison."

I had long since come to the conclusion that the powers that be in Konoha wouldn't risk killing me and freeing Kurama; the smart idea would be to lock me up and throw away the key... till I died of old age. Which for a hanyou, was a long, long time.

The prison in fire country for such dangerous criminals was one with a slightly better reputation than the ones in the other elemental countries, but that was saying nothing at all. It was a best a barren hole, and at worst a hell of human making. While I was fairly sure even Kurama didn't want to spend time there by proxy, I was absolutely certain that if I pissed him off enough, he'd doom us both.

I still couldn't keep a slight mocking edge out of my tone however; something in me prevented it. I chose to blame the demon half of me. I think Kurama did too, because he didn't seem to take offense.

We have time for you to enjoy yourself Nami-chan. You can even try your own transformational skills.

Alright so he took a little... or he was just sniping at me in kind. He knew I couldn't (for reasons unknown to both of us, oddly) do anything but cause my tail and ears to vanish. Knowing it was pointless to argue with him when he was like this, I wasted no time in doing so.

Besides, I couldn't wait here for whichever ANBU were supposedly on duty to check on me; I'd worked hard to get these hours of uninterrupted training. Hopefully this would be the last time I had to pull something like this; after tomorrow I'd be a ninja, able to take care of, and train myself. Then I'd only have to trick my jounin-sensei and team. Which reminded me...

"Kurama... you going to let me pass this time?"

The last two attempts to pass the genin exam had been met with failure, as Kurama had made sure to cause my chakra to spike as I was performing the 3 basic jutsus taught to genin. I had still managed kawarimi and henge with ease, but failed the clone technique, twice.

I was making sure you'd be able to survive; you're so ungrateful. But no, this time you pass. After all we both know the only path in life for you here is ninja or prisoner. Not even your chief monkey can alter that reality. Besides, you should easily be able to perform the clone technique no matter what I do, if you want to be a ninja.

"Easy for you to say, you don't have a giant demonic fox sending enough chakra to level mountains through your coils every time you try to do anything."

At least with my chakra hopelessly polluted and demonic, no one could really tell the difference between a pulse or two of the real deal. It was amazing what people would and could consider normal. I did my special modified kawarimi, replacing myself with the log I'd marked with my chakra outside and a street away; I'd found early on that you don't need line of sight when dealing with something you could recognize as your own.

So no one would mistake the little red head in the dark brown cargo pants and olive shirt for Naruto Uzumaki, resident eyesore. No dirty looks, no cold gazes, no fake smiles. Of course, it being so early, a large part of that had to do with the fact that I was alone on the streets.

One of the first things I was taught was to make sure I wasn't being tracked, and luckily enough I wasn't; the ANBU that were supposed to be watching me hadn't shown up yet. I made a mental note in case I ever needed blackmail material; pretty sure the old man would rip them a new one for leaving me ungaurded for ten minutes.

Pretty sure that it wasn't the right hour to be out as a 13 year old girl either, but weirder things were happening and Konoha was fairly safe for most. One had to beware though... beware the green spandex. I melted back into the darkness just in time, avoiding being spotted by the 2 blurs of pure green evil.

you're shuddering, Nami.

"I feel absolutely no shame in that."

And people thought my orange was bad. Heck most of the time I wore my orange just to make other peoples eyes bleed and challenge myself. After all, how many people can hide from seasoned ninja in orange? Nevermind the ANBU, they don't count. I mean, I'm told they are all top notch badasses. I just never see it though.

Even he of the burning youth was better; I'm pretty sure he saw me just now, took notice of my desire to hide, and didn't stop. Nice of him.

Wake up Nami-chan. You need to be paying more attention to your surroundings if you want to be a proper kunoichi.

Yep, he was definately doing that to piss me off. At least I made it to the training ground on time. The roads weren't that busy at least.

"Well a few minutes early chibi. Good morning."

"I'm not a chibi, jerk-sensei."

The jerk in question was a lazy, indifferent samurai, at least to all appearances. Long brown hair touched with silver at the temples, brown eyes only half open, dressed in a clean (for once) grey gi with a black hakama over it. Chiseled body and handsome face... and a total lie of course. His eyes were actually yellow, and his four black tails and fox ears were absent. He took a long drag off his ever present pipe.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. No need to be so loud this early, eh?"

"Then don't call me weird things. So what's on tap for today?"

"Well I've finally come to the realization you're never going to be good with a sword, and your illusions just flat suck."

"Hey! I can fool plenty of people you know!"

"Sure sure, but only the idiots. So I guess we'll just work on your kaiton. Like the boss, your level of fire usage is just beyond ludicrous. So today you learn the flame dragon. We only have a few hours so pay attention."

Much more quickly than I could follow he went through the seals.

"Fire style; grand fire dragon!"

Ahh, so not truly kaiton. This was a kitsune technique masked as a jutsu. Which meant while the hand seals could be the right ones for the ninja version, they meant nothing for this. The real secret for it was the actual chakra molding. That and of course the large dragon of flame summoned seemed to be directed and could melt large boulders.

"Sometimes sensei, you are full of awesome."

"You got it? Show me the seals."

I did so, flashing the sequence of hand seals I thought he used.

"No no no chibi, it's boar monkey tiger, not boar tiger monkey. You'll fry yourself if you do it that way. And you call that fluctuating mess proper chakra moulding?"

"Ugh, I take it back. you're an ass."

Still, it was a grand time setting fire to things, even if my own results with the technique were... less than perfect. I only exploded myself once! It was an achievement. But two hours later and with only marginal success it was time for school. The almost completely useless and utterly boring ninja academy.

Aww hell with it. Pranking time. Iruka-sensei was just going to review anyway. So...what to do, what to do... Dye the Hyuuga laundry orange? Set fire to the hokage tower? (I always wanted to try that for the irony of it) Nah, I couldn't cause that much trouble for the old man. then it hit me; THE prank. The one I always wanted to try, a sort of revenge on the jerk of a so called hero who caused many of my problems.

It was time to hit the mountain.

Having a form no one knew about was quite handy for pranking. I was able to grab the dye I'd made before for the purpose and re-hydrate it (water soluble of course, I was no fool). Buying some paint might have been simpler, but it also might have led to even the ANBU getting tipped off about my current body; all I'd need would be to have them think it possible that the cute little red head was a henge of the village prankster. Which is of course why I did what I could.

A simple illusion to give me black hair and green eyes and alter the planes of my face was easy; and so simple that it wasn't likely to be spotted, let alone seen through. I looked like a young girl carrying buckets of water; an unusual sight but not entirely unknown. I wasn't even challenged. I even saw neko and badger (two of my watchers) jump over me on the roofs. Well that's ANBU for you. I took a meandering route, looking for gaurds.

You would think that since the civilian shelters were under the mountain, there would be guards for such an important site... but I couldn't spot any, and Kurama didn't say anything. Just the random patrols flitting by overhead, taking no notice of the little girl who appeared to be too young to be a ninja. I made it to the top, and became the very picture of a someone taking a rest after a hard labor.

In reality carrying the pails was pretty much nothing, even up all those stairs. I never really did tire of the view however. I stared at the town that hated me until I was sure of the patrols, and even then I asked my prisoner.

"Anyone, Kurama?"

The mental sense of amusement almost flattened me the moment I opened my mind to his.

You're all clear. Any idea how you aren't going to get caught in the act?

"Of course; my sucky illusions. Or rather, that one."

That one was the one not even the baka fox would complain about. It was only the simplest but most sought after pinnacle of the shinobi arts. A layered genjutsu and kitsune illusion that made me invisible. It bent all light around me, making sure no eye could see me. It was really quite a simple thing to do... if you were a hanyou.

And of course like all good things it drained chakra worse than my best fire jutsu. Of course I wouldn't need it that long, but I would be attempting to use it in a manner I'd not used it in before. In conjunction with an illusion to cover the entirety of the hokage mountain, in order to hide their... improvements till I was finished. There was no doubt it would be tiring, but it wasn't just revenge.

It was also great training. I was slow. I was careful. I refused to move while the patrols or other people were present. I even felt the old man's gaze focused my way once. Turns out I really didn't need to worry. They were all so lax... so indolent. So sure of their strength that they didn't even see the illusion present within it.

Just over 30 minutes, hanging from a rope and only painting when I could. The fourth of course, got the worst treatment. I understood his reasons; but that in no way excused what he had done to an orphan child. There had to have been some other choice. Like maybe, an actual ninja or something. It was almost like he didn't want to waste a real person or something. I don't know, who knows how assholes think?

So while the third looked cross eyed, the first looked ill and the second looked like he had gas, the fourth looked like a retarded kabuki. Mission complete, and Kurama's snickering in my head was drowning out mine.

"Ready for the next phase Kurama?"

Sure thing gaki; you better change.

Still invisible I dragged out my eye ruining orange. The change in clothes suited the other change, into the larger, stockier Uzumaki Naruto, resident prank artist of Konoha. I hid my other clothes just in time, as one of the amazingly professional ANBU patrols came by. Unable to resist the perfect timing I dropped the genjutsu, then my invisibility (while 'hidden' in a bush of course). Their reactions were amazing! They were so shocked they even missed me at first... at least until I helped them along with a snicker.

"You! stop right there!"

Of course I didn't. If they wanted me they would have to catch me. Very small chance of that happening. Which of course was why they would drag Iruka into it. Iruka-sensei knew all of Naruto's haunts and hiding places, so of course they would go find him when the speedy approach failed. And like always, I would let him find me. But where to do it this time? hmm.

Oh crap, counting chickens, that net almost got me! This called for a rasberry, of course. Nothing like a good rasberry to anger a random idiot. And just like that he was just too angry to pay proper attention... which meant I was gone. With all the immediate pursuit lost I backtracked a bit to one of my lesser but still known haunts, a small park near the Nara clan compound. Incompetent or not, it didn't take long for the pursuers to draft Iruka-sensei, nor all that long for him to find me. I amused myself with building a sandcastle version of the hokage mountain and laughing fits with Kurama.

"Naruto! What were you thinking!?"

"Oh, uh, hi Iruka-sensei. How are you today?"

"Skipping school to pull a stupid prank again Naruto? I thought you wanted to graduate?!"

"Oh but I will Iruka-sensei. No problem at all."

For some reason his eye was twitching. Kurama howling laughter in my head wasn't helping me act properly either.

"Then I suppose you won't mind going back to class and finishing the review. After that you're going to clean up the mess you made."

It was always easy to tell when he was his most angry - he was almost silent when speaking. And just like that I was roped up and being carried along. Yep, he was pretty angry; he didn't stop muttering about ungrateful brats till I was thrown in my usual seat (with the ropes still tied) and his customary yell for the class to shut up and sit down. I couldn't really help myself, the review was boring. Who needs to know angles of incidence for kunai throws, seriously? See the target, hit the target. Simple. Who didn't know that a henge was one of the best infiltration skills, despite it's limitations?

"Naruto! Wake up!"

Chalk bounced off my head.

"Get down here and do a henge of the hokage!"

I dared not say the words that I wanted. I just nodded and walked down... then had a wicked idea. My henge of the hokage was perfect... if he was my height, had a face twice as long as normal and three times his regular liver spots. Of course the class erupted in laughter; my work was done. I let go of the technique as Iruka bopped me on the head. He didn't really hit me all that hard.

I walked back up to my seat, taking a discrete bow or two; Shikamaru was actually glancing at me as I sat down. I gave him a questioning look which he ignored in favor of going back to sleep. He knew I was screwing up on purpose... and he had some idea why; at least the psych...psycholo...err mental reasons. He was entirely too smart for his own good.

That seemed like a good idea. the sleeping that is. More useful than this skills review. And of course before I could get a good sleep going, class was over. Iruka was all over me before I could so much as get up; he knew me well.

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

He still marched me along by the scruff of my neck while I gathered a bucket and water, grabbing some soap on his own when he thought I wasn't looking. He really should know me better. We took to the roofs heading back to the monument; both for speed and to avoid the villagers, who might very well decide to lynch me. I couldn't really blame them, even if I didn't care that much. I'd made my statement. As I'd planned for, clean up was quick. No soap was needed, just plenty of water.

"Naruto, why do you pull these stunts?"

I couldn't really answer. After all, what could I say? How could I explain? I wanted the villagers and ninja alike to look. To pay attention, and actually SEE ME. Not the demon child, or fox brat, or anything else. Naruto Uzumaki. Though, the irony of what they would see when they finally looked did not escape me. Hopefully when that happened they would care enough not to lock me up for a hundred years. I ended up snorting and shrugging, but apparently it was enough. Iruka-sensei smiled and ruffled my hair.

"If you hurry, we can go for ramen. My treat."

I couldn't stop a cheer at that; sure I was being bought off, but it was a good price! Not even the constant water trips slowed me.

"Say Iruka-sensei, let me try on your headband, eh?"

He adjusted it a bit and frowned. The old man had already served us both; I had just finished my second bowl and had been struck by the idea.

"This headband is a symbol that you are an adult and a ninja of konohagakure Naruto. In short, no way. Besides, you'll get yours tomorrow."

"Well, that's true! I'll be the best ninja ever! Just one more step on the road to becoming Hokage!"

I'd never become Hokage. Far too many people would be against anyone like me being in charge. It was nice to dream though. The misdirection never hurt either.

"You done Naruto? I don't think my wallet can take much more."

"Yeah thanks Iruka-sensei. Good night, see you tomorrow!"

I waved to old man Teuchi and bolted before Iruka could notice anything. Kurama was beginning to cause chakra spikes, a sure signal he either wanted to talk to me in private... or was going to cut the chakra he was using to keep me transformed soon. I was guessing on the latter, though I was unsure what I'd done to anger him this time.

I raced home, the spikes egging me along. Each pulse was coming quicker, a sure sign the baka-fox was going to just drop my protection. I barely made it inside before he cut the chakra flow. Ack! Damn tail was breaking! I shucked my pants, letting the stupid appendage free.

"Kurama you idiot! Trying to get us both killed?!"

I did warn you that you had to spend more time in your true form, did I not?

"But the ANBU! They could see!"

My memory isn't as terrible as yours. You made sure the shutters were in place this morning.

"But...!"

No buts! You WILL spend time as your true self; unless that is, you can master the transformation on your own.

That unsufferable smug...! Damn it! I didn't like being a girl, it felt weird. So I sat on the edge of the bed, and started meditating, trying to even out my chakra flow and reign in my anger. Nothing for it but to get transforming down myself.


End file.
